True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
