I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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