I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
