I just saw a hot homeless man
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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