my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
