ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
