quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
