He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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