She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
