I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
