69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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