Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
