that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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