i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
smell my finger.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
