I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I understand Curling. That high.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
