how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
