I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
