Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
