I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
