oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
