you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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