apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
