Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
