how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
