playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
