its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
