Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
