I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
