just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
