dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
