i don't like sucking hair
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
