i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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