the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
