oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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