the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
