my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
