I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
