I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
