I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
