Nicole vs. Life
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have already put on my inside pants.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize