forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
