Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
