I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
