when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
