***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
