tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This is my gift to your gina
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
