Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
