What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
