Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
