how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
