Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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