So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
