dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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