on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
