i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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