I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
