i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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