omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
