i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
