His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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