I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize