you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
