Betty ford says i'm here all night
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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