$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
