Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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