I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
