hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
