he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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