Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
