I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
