Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
