I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
