Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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