I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
