Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
