I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize